“You know our body absorbs nutrients and then pisses and shits out all the bad stuff? What if we’re doing that to babies? But you know, parents, like they just, piss their trauma down.” – Beef
There is this stigma around therapy, which prevents many people from getting the help that they need. When we experience physical pain, we go to the doctor. But when we experience mental or emotional pain, we’re either in denial or endure it for as long as we can, coming up with various excuses to avoid getting help.
In our pursuit of personal growth and well-being, we often encounter barriers that impede our progress. Recognizing and addressing these challenges is important to our journey toward healing and self-improvement. This is what this article is all about; being okay with not being okay, taking control of your life, and doing the things that you can within your means to take care of you.
No matter what we’re dealing with or going through, therapy has proven to significantly improve our social, emotional, and mental well-being. But it’s unfortunate that many people are not getting the help they need. Here, we discuss the common excuses people make for avoiding therapy and how we can all overcome these mental barriers.
1. I don't have time for therapy
This is the number one excuse I hear when asking why people don’t pursue therapy. Hell, this was my excuse at one point. Finding time for therapy can seem daunting, especially with our busy schedules, but it’s essential to recognize the value of prioritizing our mental health. I’m a strong believer in making time for the things I care about. All other factors being equal, if you care about your mental health, you will invest your time towards it.
For me, I have a 45-minute call with my therapist on BetterHelp every Tuesday. That’s 45 minutes every week. That’s 45 minutes out of 10,080 minutes. That’s 0.4% of a weekly commitment. The time commitment is so low, and yet, the payoff is so massive. Those 45 minutes give me the “mental cleanse” that helps me thrive throughout the rest of the week. Assess your priorities and do your cost-benefit analysis – does that sound worth it to you? With BetterHelp, I don’t even need to commute for my sessions, so I have even fewer excuses!
It’s understandable to feel hesitant, but prioritizing your mental health is an act of self-care and self-compassion, and you deserve to make it a priority. With platforms like BetterHelp offering convenient online sessions, accessing therapy has never been easier. Take a moment to reflect on the benefits that therapy could bring to your life—a clearer mind, improved coping strategies, and enhanced overall happiness.
2. Therapy is only for "weak" people
Therapy is often stigmatized as being only for those perceived as “weak,” but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Mental health challenges can affect anyone, regardless of their strength or resilience. Recognizing that therapy is a resource available to all is a powerful shift in perspective. This helped me rewire my thinking about therapy; to improve on something, we need to use the best resources available.
In building physical strength, you need to research the diet, workout regimen, and recovery time. You’ll need advice from experts on important things like injury prevention or having the right form when you exercise.
Mental health is no different. How is it possible for you to be your own personal trainer instead of having a therapist, when you don’t even know the first thing about mental health, recovery, injury treatment, etc?
This was me in the past; I viewed talking about feelings as a weakness while repressing and “appearing” stoic was a strength. But in actuality, acting indifferent and unaffected while we’re internally distressed can cause greater harm to our minds and bodies. Seeking therapy is showing vulnerability. And when I finally accepted the fact that I was mentally collapsing and unable to perform damage control by myself, it was a moment where I’ve never felt so vulnerable.
I can guarantee that takes so much more strength to accept and communicate. I learned that accepting vulnerability and seeking therapy requires immense courage — it’s an acknowledgment of our humanity and a proactive step toward self-improvement. It’s important to reinforce this narrative to yourself; seeking therapy is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness.
3. I can handle it on my own
The belief that “I can handle it on my own” often stems from a deeply ingrained sense of self-reliance and independence. However, it’s important to recognize the limitations of this mindset. No one can handle everything on their own; it’s a fundamental truth of being human. We all experience challenges that exceed our capabilities at times, and seeking help is not a sign of weakness but rather an acknowledgment of our shared humanity.
It’s also common to downplay our own struggles and convince ourselves that our problems are not significant enough to warrant outside help. But minimizing our problems only serves to prolong our suffering. When we do this, we’re constantly in a state of denial thinking we’re okay when we’re not. And trust me, the longer we deny and neglect these feelings, the more they tend to manifest in terrible ways causing the most harm.
We are human beings; human beings are not physiologically and psychologically meant to live their lives in isolation. We need to have a support system where we can share our joy, our grief, and everything in between. Seeking therapy isn’t an admission of failure but rather an act of self-compassion and a willingness to prioritize our well-being. Let’s shift our perspective from “I can handle it on my own” to “I deserve support and assistance in navigating life’s challenges.”
4. Therapy is too expensive
The notion that “therapy is too expensive” often deters people from seeking the help they need, but it’s crucial to address this excuse with honesty and perspective. While financial constraints are valid concerns, especially in some countries, we need to look at our own spending habits and consider whether we’re prioritizing short-term comforts over long-term well-being. For example, wasting money on bad habits like drinking, gambling, and shopping or using these as coping mechanisms is detrimental to our mental, emotional, and financial well-being.
How much money is your mental health worth to you? You can ask the same question when it comes to physical health. You might be willing to pay for a gym membership, group fitness classes, supplements, protein, and a healthy diet. With mental health and therapy, it’s one expense for you to consider. A lot of other “expenses” will be about the time and effort you put into reflecting and practicing, such as journaling and preparing your notes for the next therapy session.
Many therapists offer sliding scale fees or accept insurance, making therapy more accessible to people with varying financial situations. Platforms like BetterHelp offer financial aid to eligible applicants; all you have to do is answer a few questions. After submitting your answers, you will know right away if you are eligible. The financial aid is eligible for three months, in which you’ll have to apply again. Investing in therapy isn’t just about addressing present concerns — it’s about safeguarding our future mental health and well-being. Trust me, you won’t want to be confronted by the costs of untreated mental health issues.
5. I'm afraid of being judged
Let me nip this in the bud and tell you to give up on this notion. If this is one of your mantras, then I can confidently say that you are fighting a neverending, unwinnable crusade. It’s impossible not to be judged. No matter what you do in this life, you will be judged by someone or looked down on by someone.
While therapists are trained to provide a non-judgmental and empathetic space for clients, they are still humans with their own biases, prejudices, and trauma. This means that sometimes their being judgmental is an automatic physiological and emotional response — a trigger.
Prioritizing your mental health should outweigh the fear of potential judgment. Consider the cost of sacrificing your well-being to maintain a facade of judgment-free existence, a price that far outweighs any perceived benefits. By acknowledging and confronting your fear of judgment, you can take a proactive step toward prioritizing your mental health and finding the support you need.
And the best part? You get to be yourself and love the comfort of being in your own skin.
6. I'm worried my friends and family will find out
Similar to not wanting to be judged, we must prioritize our mental health and wellness over concerns about others’ perceptions of us. First, honor your privacy; people don’t need to know everything about your life, friends and family included.
I am a very private person, in many aspects of my life, and I hate it when I find out that people are talking or gossiping about me behind my back. So I make sure to keep these sensitive matters especially tight and close to the chest. I would only consider opening up to someone if they were someone I could trust to be understanding (or having the willingness to understand), nonjudgmental, a confidant, and ideally, someone who’s been through something similar.
But you are not the only one who benefits when you share something like this with others…
I discovered that when I did choose to open up about mental health and recovery, I found joy in helping others around me who were suffering in silence and afraid to take that step forward. Sharing your journey with therapy can help reduce stigma and encourage others to seek help when needed. You could be a role model in helping others go through what you went through. This is why I talk very openly about the benefits of therapy, and in particular, how BetterHelp and online therapy have significantly changed my life. Ultimately, embracing vulnerability and openness can lead to personal growth and contribute to positive change within your social circles.
7. I'm not comfortable talking about my feelings
The discomfort of talking about feelings is a common hurdle in therapy, but it’s important to recognize that it’s a learned skill that can be developed over time. Therapy taught me how to communicate my feelings with Jess and with my close friends. Before, I would ghost people and excommunicate them because I didn’t want to go through all that mental and emotional struggle. With Jess (and now with my close friends), I have learned to give myself enough time to write down all my thoughts, which at first feels like the series Lost — barely comprehensible. Then I read it over, reflect upon what I’ve written, and rewrite it to help the other person understand me best.
After all, don’t we communicate to be understood?
Remember that even if you find a therapist who is compatible with you, it will take time for you to be comfortable talking about your feelings. You are likely going to therapy because of something that causes you anger, shame, sadness, frustration, etc. Not only do the majority of people find that deeply uncomfortable, but even more are ill-equipped to communicate it constructively. Communicating is about building trust and rapport, and building trust and rapport with anyone takes time. Your therapist is no different. Don’t expect them to be mind-readers.
Therapy progresses at your pace, and you’re not obligated to disclose more than you’re comfortable with. Building trust with a therapist takes time, but the effort invested in therapy can lead to profound personal growth and healing. By giving yourself the time and space to process your thoughts and emotions, you can gradually build the confidence to express yourself authentically and constructively.
8. I don't trust therapists
The issue of trust in therapy can be a huge barrier for many, but it’s crucial to recognize that building trust with a therapist is a process that takes time and effort from both parties involved. Just like with any relationship. Therapists are bound by strict ethical guidelines that prioritize client well-being and confidentiality, providing a foundation of trustworthiness. They are literally paid to listen to you and to focus on your well-being, even if they can’t get the job done at times.
It’s important to approach therapy with an open mind and willingness to engage, as entering with distrust can hinder the therapeutic process and impede progress. Essentially you waste your money and your time, and then you’ll go back to square one, rehashing that tired narrative that “you don’t believe in therapy or trust therapists.” It’s all about the mindset and intention you come in with. By acknowledging and addressing any underlying distrust, you can create space for open communication and a genuine connection with your therapist.
9. I can't find the right therapist
The search for a therapist is like dating; it can be intimidating and at times, uncomfortable. You go through many candidates just to feel like you’re constantly being let down. Then this excuse leads to another excuse: “I went before, and it didn’t help me.” But in this case, it’s worth the effort to ensure effective treatment.
Trust me, I’ve been there. I went through five therapists within a six-year span; each one didn’t work out for a variety of reasons. After discontinuing with a therapist, I would feel drained and discouraged and stopped therapy for a while before getting back in it (usually due to a depressive episode or event). I know how tiring it can be to have to repeat this process over and over again; having to retell your life story to each new therapist with no guarantee that a connection will be made. Every breakup with a therapist made me want to give up on this entire process and just tell myself “fuck it, no one understands me, and no one ever will.”
Something that has helped me in navigating the search is to think of it as a relationship, akin to romantic or business relationships. Like in any relationship, setbacks may occur, but investing time and effort to find the right therapist is worthwhile. Give your mental health that kind of patience too. This means having to do a lot of heavy lifting, experimenting, and trial and error in the beginning, and that starts with finding the right therapist who you believe is best equipped to help you.
10. I don't want to be labeled as "crazy"
The fear of being labeled as “crazy” can be a deterrent to seeking therapy, but it’s important to challenge this stigma. Yes, society has been progressing, but there is still this notion that going to a therapist means that there is something wrong with you or you’re “crazy.” This means there might be people in life who think this way, and unfortunately, your relationship with them will suffer or come to an end, for the sake of your wellbeing.
In my own journey, I’ve encountered people who refused to acknowledge my struggles with mental illness, dismissing them as laziness or excuses. They even go as far as saying “I don’t believe in mental illness.” I say this not to scare you, but to prepare you for the tough road ahead. This rejection can be painful, but ultimately staying true to yourself means surrounding yourself with supportive individuals who accept and embrace every part of you. Then again, if they can’t embrace every part of you, what purpose do they serve in your life exactly?
Despite some casualties along the way, I strengthened my bond with friends who were going through internal problems of their own, and through that, we created a community. By sharing our experiences and supporting each other, we can challenge the stigma surrounding therapy and reinforce the narrative that seeking help is a courageous and necessary step in navigating life’s challenges. Remember, you are not alone in your struggles, and by opening up a dialogue, we can create a more understanding and supportive environment for everyone.
