“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” — Salvador Dali
Have you ever found yourself obsessing over small details, beating yourself up over mistakes, or feeling like you can never measure up to your own expectations? Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
Perfectionism is a difficult habit to break. Setting unrealistic standards and then failing to meet them creates a cycle of negativity that greatly impacts our mental health. It takes away our enjoyment of life and makes stress, anxiety, and depression worse.
But here’s the thing – perfection is an illusion.
Nobody is perfect – we all have flaws and we all make mistakes. Embracing imperfection is the key to finding peace and happiness in our lives. It means letting go of the need to be perfect and being okay with who we are.
When we let go of perfectionism, we start to see that failing can actually be a good thing. It’s through failing that we learn and grow as people, building character and resilience along the way.
Whether you tend to be a perfectionist at work, in relationships, or in your personal life, we’re here to support you!
Signs of a perfectionist
Sometimes it can be challenging to distinguish between a perfectionist and a high-achiever. After all, don’t they both desire success? Yes, but their approaches are entirely different.
High-achievers are driven by progress and view mistakes as opportunities for growth while striving for excellence.
Perfectionists, on the other hand, become fixated on fear, especially the fear of failure. They are extremely hard on themselves for any mistakes, depriving themselves of joy throughout the process.
Perfectionists also display these common traits:
- Low self-esteem and a persistent feeling of inadequacy
- Setting unrealistic expectations for themselves and others
- Experiencing anxiety and depression due to unrealized goals
- Focusing solely on the end results
- Demanding nothing less than perfection
- Tendency to procrastinate
- Lacking self-compassion
- Fragile mental fortitude
- Comparing themselves to others
- Seeking approval from others as validation
By recognizing these signs, we can gain a better understanding of perfectionism’s grip and work towards overcoming its limitations.
Uncover your tendencies
In order to conquer perfectionism, it’s important to pinpoint the areas of your life where you tend to get caught up in perfectionist thinking. This might occur in your work, relationships, or school. Take note of your thoughts as they arise.
Once you’ve identified these areas, take a moment to understand why you feel the urge to pursue perfection. Are you driven by a fear of being replaced? Or perhaps a fear of being seen as inadequate by others?
Start keeping a journal and reflect on the moments throughout the day when these tendencies arise. Consider the times when you hesitated to take action. What thoughts were swirling in your mind that led you to avoid a task? Reflect on instances when you felt you had failed and how you reacted. Where were you and who were you with when this occurred?
By taking a step back and engaging in self-reflection, you become more aware of the detrimental impact of perfectionism in your life. You begin to recognize how this trait is causing harm, ultimately fueling your motivation to overcome it.
Cultivate positive self-talk
Perfectionists often have that nagging inner voice that constantly tells them their work or efforts are not up to par, and even worse, that they themselves are inadequate. That’s why it’s crucial to change the way we speak to ourselves in order to rebuild our self-esteem.
Instead of preparing to criticize yourself for making a mistake, offer yourself compassion instead. Consider how you would talk to a friend in the same situation. Would you criticize or console them? When you become your own ally, you realize that you are deserving of love and acceptance, flaws and all.
A helpful approach is to create a list of positive affirmations about yourself that you can recite daily. Reflect on the qualities you appreciate most about yourself. What are you proud of? What have you accomplished, no matter how big or small?
The most important part is that you are completely honest in what you’re telling yourself. When we’re honest with ourselves, and not just repeating positive quotes that aren’t true to us, we create authentic, internal encouragement that is the foundation for believing in ourselves.
Here is an example of a positive affirmation that Jess likes to recite:
“I am exactly where I need to be. Just embrace the journey.”
“I got this. I’ve done this before. Just like running, I’ll get to the finish line, 1 mile at a time. The course may be different, but the goal is the same.”
By shifting our self-talk, we not only enhance our enjoyment of every aspect of life but also develop a deeper understanding of ourselves, the work we produce, and the effort we invest.
Embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth
For perfectionists, mistakes aren’t simply viewed as failures; they perceive themselves as failures. This added pressure only exacerbates the situation, leading them to avoid taking risks altogether.
However, mistakes are blessings in disguise. They present us with valuable chances to learn, grow, and improve in the future. Once we grant ourselves permission to make mistakes, we realize that it’s not the end of the world.
Therefore, it’s important to acknowledge that making mistakes is a natural part of life. Understand that there will be good days and days when things just don’t go well.
Take a moment to watch this response from NBA All-Star Giannis Antetokounmpo when he was asked a question about failure. Hopefully, it will inspire you to reframe your perspective on mistakes and embrace the learning process.
Celebrate your positives
“Done is better than perfect.” — Sheryl Sandberg
As a perfectionist, the desire for everything to be flawless leads us to fixate on the negatives, a common toxic habit.
However, perfectionism is a learned behavior. Even though we may have honed our ability to spot every mistake, it doesn’t mean we can’t redirect that attention toward recognizing the positive aspects of ourselves and our work.
Shifting our focus to the positives requires a consistent and conscious effort, especially since it is new to us. A helpful practice is to counter each negative thought about ourselves or our work by identifying three qualities we appreciate and are proud of. Some examples include:
- Our ability to learn from mistakes.
- Our capacity to take constructive criticism positively.
- Our willingness to push boundaries and tackle new challenges.
Just as focusing on the negatives has become a habit, so too can emphasizing the positives.
Set more realistic goals
Another common pitfall for perfectionists is setting unattainable goals that leave no room for mistakes or a learning process.
By setting more realistic goals, we give ourselves the opportunity to navigate the journey with greater ease and enjoyment while still delivering high-quality results. This involves breaking down our goals into smaller, more manageable segments.
For instance, exercise is an area where perfectionists often aim for the stars but end up crumbling under the weight of their own expectations.
Instead of diving headfirst into a 30-minute nonstop run, we can make the goal more achievable by starting with running for just one minute and taking a four-minute walking break. As we build stamina, we can gradually increase the running duration. This approach allows us to appreciate the value of accomplishing manageable milestones while finding joy in each step of the journey.
Embrace the journey (and not the destination)
Shifting your focus from the end result to the journey itself is another powerful way to overcome perfectionism.
Direct your attention to the steps you need to take in order to reach your goal and find meaning in each individual stride. This approach enables you to stay engaged with the process, rather than becoming detached by fixating solely on the outcome.
Take time to reflect on your emotions and newfound insights as you work towards your goal. Identify the moments when you realized that perfectionism was not serving your best interests. Acknowledge the instances when you overcame your tendencies and took action. Remember to treat yourself with kindness throughout this journey – no shame, no blame.
Even if you don’t achieve perfection, you can look back and appreciate the progress you’ve made in dedicating yourself to this goal. Take note of all the advancements you’ve experienced along the way and celebrate each victory!
Be open to constructive criticism
Perfectionists often struggle with low self-esteem due to their tendency to take criticism personally. They perceive any form of feedback as an attack, leading them to react defensively and criticize themselves.
If you can relate to this, adopting a new mindset can make a significant difference.
Guide yourself towards recognizing that mistakes and missteps are not only normal but essential for personal growth. Constructive criticism is actually a gift because it provides us with valuable insights on how we can improve, ultimately boosting our self-esteem.
Seek guidance and support
Many perfectionists shy away from seeking support, viewing it as a sign of weakness if they can’t accomplish everything on their own.
In reality, none of us can navigate life entirely alone.
We all need help in order to grow and improve. No one wins alone. Rather than perceiving it as a weakness, we must reframe it as a strength. It takes courage to reach out to our loved ones, friends, or therapists for guidance and support.
When we actively seek support, we acknowledge that we’re not perfect. We recognize that making mistakes and being vulnerable are invaluable to our journey. By inviting different perspectives to guide us, we break free from our own limited thinking and realize that certain situations may not be as dire as we perceive them to be.
Final Thoughts
Letting go of perfectionism can truly transform our lives. When we acknowledge that perfection is impossible to achieve, we break free from the never-ending self-criticism. Once we reach that point, we open ourselves to the exhilarating joy of learning from our mistakes and witnessing our personal growth!
Now is the perfect moment to take a leap of faith, granting ourselves the freedom to make mistakes and celebrating every accomplishment along the way! This will allow us to fully embrace the beauty of life, imperfections and all.
“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” — Henry Ford
