When I was in my 20s, one of my biggest fears was aging. I remember not wanting a birthday party for my 30th because I felt like there was nothing to celebrate. But oh how the universe has proven me wrong, so wrong.
Since entering a new era, my life has improved significantly. I don’t know what it is about turning 30, perhaps the self-awareness that peaks at that age or the weird times that we’re navigating in the world, but being in my 30s has been weirdly beautiful and challenging (in a good way).
As I turn 33 this year, I’m taking some time to talk about something that has been at the forefront of my growth: learning to be in my body.
It sounds strange to say because it seems like a basic concept, to understand your body. I used to hear people say, “Just listen to your body” and I could never grasp what that really meant, other than when it’s screaming “I’m hungry!” Instead, I was really good at following my heart, which means I was constantly chasing my feelings, which didn’t always end up in good places.
As a busybody and someone who is on the go all the time, I rarely take a moment to listen to my body and try to understand what it needs. You’ve probably heard this before: your body is like a car and your energy is like the gas that powers your car and keeps it going. Well, I was living my life close to an empty tank all the time. It’s funny because I used to actually drive my car until it was almost out of gas before I would fill it up — what a great metaphor for my life. I remember always being nervous and praying that my car would get me to the next gas station, begging and praying “Please, just a few more miles.” And I guess that’s how I always lived my life.
That was until I started practicing mindfulness through meditation.
In my previous blog posts about mindfulness and gratitude, I shared my personal journey with you and how I learned to cope with depression and anxiety. And over the years as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more appreciative of how this process has helped me to deepen my relationship with myself.
So that’s what I want to share with you today, strategies on how to improve and deepen your relationship with yourself through this abstract concept of “listening to your body.”
But really, here are some practical things you can actually do to achieve this level of awareness.
Slow down
When I started my healing journey five and a half years ago, I didn’t expect to rediscover myself. But as I became more self-aware through conscious practices like mindfulness and meditation, I felt like I was beginning to truly know myself — my mind, body, and spirit. This required a GREAT deal of slowing down; slowing down my movements, my thoughts, my speech.
Because I was constantly moving and thinking too quickly, I lacked the space my mind needed to think about what my body needed. I was not aware of the signals my mind and body were sending me, especially in dire times. Sometimes, I was aware but chose to ignore the signals because I could still physically function. Until I couldn’t anymore.
But your body has a funny way of getting your attention.
A few years ago, I ended up in the hospital because I ignored my body’s signals that I was not okay. I was experiencing pain, but I chose to ignore it and continued to go about my normal life; working hard during the week and partying hard during the weekends. And then the pain spread. I woke up in the middle of the night and took myself to the emergency room because it was unbearable.
Before that, my body had been experiencing aches and pains for several weeks. It was also a difficult time in my life, mentally and emotionally. The tension and issues between my mom and me worsened, leading to a shouting match every time we talked. So I started ignoring her calls and avoided dealing with my internal problems.
Spending five days in the hospital when this whole thing could’ve been prevented was a wake-up call to slow down and listen to my body more.
Pain is the biggest indicator that something is wrong. It is how your body communicates with you, and mental stress, anxiety, and depression can manifest through physical pain.
Have you ever noticed that when you’re stressed or anxious, your body aches a little more and headaches tend to arise more frequently?
Slowing down, whether it be through meditation or other mindful practices, has brought a new level of consciousness to my understanding of my body. It has forced me to take a moment and listen to what my body is trying to communicate with me.
So what does “slowing down” look like?
Well, depending on how you move about your day, it could look like a variety of things.
- Take 5 minutes to sit down, close your eyes, and breathe. Focus on your breath as you inhale and exhale. (set a timer!)
- Go for a walk and pay attention to your surroundings.
- Sit outside and observe your surroundings. Watch cars drive by. It’s okay to get lost in thought, just be aware of those thoughts.
- Move slower. This is for those (like me) who tend to move too quickly and oftentimes, bump into things. Just move a little slower.
- If you’re experiencing discomfort, take notice of where and when it tends to happen. Is there a pattern of this discomfort or pain arising during certain times of the day or in your life?
Body scans
A body scan is when you focus your mind on specific parts of your body and hone in on the sensation of that body part.
When I started practicing mindfulness, I used guided meditation to help me navigate my thoughts because I honestly didn’t know what to do or how to think. What helped me the most was the instruction to observe and notice my body; notice how my feet are feeling, notice any tension in my body, starting with my toes and working its way up to my head.
Following the voice to focus my mind on certain parts of my body helped me practice listening to my body. The frequent practice of this technique over time became a habit. It was like training my mind to think and observe inward in this new way, and now I’m able to do it quickly in order to understand what my body is feeling.
Now, I’m able to notice changes or reactions in my body consciously and immediately; it’s no longer an afterthought. This has helped me notice when I’m tired and what kind of tiredness I’m experiencing, whether it’s physical and/or mental. My neck and shoulders tend to be more tense and achy when I’m stressed or emotionally unwell. When I understand what my body’s signals are, when they happen, and why they happen, I can take action to address the issues.
As a form of meditation, you can take some time out, even a few minutes, to find a comfortable sitting position, and begin the body scan by closing your eyes and focusing your mind on your toes. Notice any sensation in your toes and your feet, and remember to scan slowly. Then work your way up, focusing on your ankles, then your calves, and your knees. Pay attention to any sensations or tension in your body as you move up towards your head, slowly.
Spend time with yourself
This is exactly what it means. Take yourself out on a date. Go see a movie by yourself. Take a walk around the block or in a park by yourself (make sure it’s safe). Travel alone; this one’s my favorite.
I used to hate doing things by myself, mostly because I hated being with my own thoughts. Why do things alone when you can do things with other people?!
But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve embraced the power and beauty of being with myself. I first started traveling solo when I moved to Vietnam. My very first solo trip was to South Korea and Japan. I remember carrying around my journal in my backpack and stopping at certain places to write down my thoughts and capture those beautiful moments in words. It was the best experience of my life, and I learned so much about myself in those weeks. It was the first time I felt like I truly had a friend in me, a feeling I’ve been developing since then.
Spending time with myself taught me to confront and be with my own thoughts while figuring out a way to stay sane. It challenged me to not only understand my thoughts but also create ways to address difficult thoughts and reframe my mindset. Traveling solo also taught me to pay attention to how my body reacts to things, people, and places; how my body feels when I’m nervous or excited, or how my body reacts when I’m in a certain environment. Now that’s a challenge.
However you choose to do it, whether it be through great adventures or simple tasks, spending time alone is the best way for you to get to know yourself and your body’s signals while deepening your relationship with yourself.
Journal
Journaling has always been a form of therapy for me. When I’m journaling, I release all of my unfiltered, disjointed thoughts. There’s no particular order and most of the time, they sound like angry rants and tangents. But then I go back and make sense of them and that’s how I process my thoughts and feelings, especially in difficult situations with no easy solution.
This has been particularly helpful when I’m at a crossroads or on the fence about something, when I’ve got a difficult decision to make. Writing out my thoughts is like having conversations with myself. I become my own soundboard and can look back to pull out key ideas.
Journaling is an activity you can do when you slow down or spend time with yourself. You can make time to do this at any point in your day. As with all things that we recommend, make this work for you. If you don’t like journaling, then you can make voice notes for yourself instead!
Here are some things to keep in mind while journaling:
- No judgment. Let your thoughts come out as they are without judging them.
- Don’t erase. There’s no need to erase anything. Embrace the typos, scratch them out, and let those words come out unfiltered and messy. This is a mirror of our thoughts that we’ll come to love.
- If you’re stuck, use journal prompts. It’s okay to not know what to write about, especially if you’re trying to make journaling a daily routine. There will be times when you’re blank. Using journal prompts is a great way to get your thoughts going.
- Do what’s best for you. Pick a structure or way of journaling that works best for schedule and style. There is no right or wrong way to do this.
- Take space and reflect. It’s okay to take some space while journaling and reflect a bit more before you continue. You can also think about when you’ll look back and read the journal entries. This can help in processing and making sense of your situation.
Ask yourself questions
Listening to your body requires you to ask yourself a lot of questions.
We tend to be in our own heads and fill the gaps with our assumptions, sometimes making up stories that might not be true. If we let our thoughts run free, this can be counterintuitive and cause real damage.
So one of the most important questions to ask ourselves, especially when we’re having questionable thoughts, is “Is it true?”
Most of the time, the answer is either “no” or “I don’t know”.
Recently, I experienced a situation that triggered a panic attack. I usually wake up around 4:00 a.m. to work out before going to work. On this specific morning, I went into my mom’s room and she wasn’t there. This was a VERY unusual situation and had never happened before. People don’t disappear in the middle of the night. I went to look for her, but she wasn’t around. Her purse was gone. Her keys were gone. Her car was gone. I looked around the house to see if it looked like anyone had broken in, but there was nothing out of place. I started to feel the rise of a panic attack, and my mind immediately went to all those true crime documentaries I watched, especially ones like “Unsolved Mysteries”.
I thought to myself, “Oh my god, she disappeared and last night was the last time I was ever going to see her again.” My mind just spiraled out of control. I called her about 20 times, texted her, and even tried to get into her iPad to see if I could get any clues as to where she went.
Then, a part of my mind attempted to calm me down. I told myself, it’s okay, maybe she stepped out for a bit, maybe someone called her. But she’s probably fine. My mind was battling with my emotions; mentally, I tried to remain logical, deducing the possibility that something had gone wrong. “Wherever she is, she’s probably fine,” I kept telling myself.
Then my phone buzzed.
“I’m okay, I’m on my way home.” My mom finally texted me back.
I remember feeling this rush of emotions. I just cried and cried. At first, I asked myself, “Why am I crying so much?” And then I realized, it was the feeling of relief. I was releasing all the stress and worries that were building up this entire time. But soon after feeling relief, I felt extremely angry! It was a whirlwind of emotions!
At that moment, I stopped and questioned “Why am I mad?” She was okay, I should feel okay now. This slowing down and asking myself questions pushed me to dissect my feelings. I concluded that I was angry because I was scared; I was truly scared. Even typing this now, I can feel those emotions arise again. I was truly afraid that I had lost my mom.
This was a great lesson for me in learning to navigate and separate my thoughts and emotions. Through the panic, I learned to slow down and ask questions, questions that helped me remain logical so that I could think more clearly rather than letting my thoughts spiral out of control, jumping to worst-case scenarios.
The question “Is it true?” is powerful and can be used in any situation. I’ve asked myself this when I’ve had doubts, when I’ve had negative thoughts, and when I felt lost. It acts as an anchor, and whatever the answer was, at least I had a starting point.
There are so many questions you could ask yourself depending on what kind of situation you’re in or your current mindset. Here are some general questions to consider when you’re feeling stuck and in your own head:
- Is it true? (This question is used to counter doubts and negative thoughts you might have.)
- What are my values? What matters to me?
- What lesson can I learn from this situation?
- What makes me happy?
- What am I afraid of?
- What is the best case, worst case, and most likely scenario?
So far, my 30s has been an adventure. I’ve come to embrace the fact that life is ever-changing and uncertainty can lead to beautiful opportunities. I’ve also accepted that I don’t really know as much as I think I do, and the only thing I can be certain of is that having a relationship with myself and understanding myself is one of the most fulfilling feelings in the world. With each passing year, I am beginning to feel more and more comfortable in my own skin, all the conflicting parts of me finally working together. I finally know what it means to be whole on my own.
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” – Carl Jung
